The Democrats Went Down to Georgia
(At the Squires Club….Rob and Prof C are deep in conversation over drinks)
Prof C: ….and I don’t know what it is with you election deniers. Trump lost. He lost. Get over it. Rob, you’re a nice guy. We’re friends I guess. But there is not one shred of evidence that someone stole the election from Trump. No evidence. None. You really need to stop the lying.
Rob: Professor, all I’m saying is that there are a lot of things that just don’t add up. Was the election stolen? I don't know. Big claims need big evidence, right? But a lot of stuff about the 2020 election just flat-out does not make sense.
Prof C: (sigh) Ok. I’ll bite. Like what?
Rob: How about this? Historically, when a sitting President gets more votes than he did when he won the election the first time…he’s always gets re-elected. Always.
Prof C: So Trump got a few thousand more votes than 2016. Big Deal.
Rob: He went from 64 million in 2016 to 75 million in 2020. 11 million more votes. 11 million!
Prof C: (takes a sip of his Port) Hahahaha. So what? A fat lot of good it did him.
Rob: What about the Bellwether States, then? Florida, Ohio and Iowa. Whoever wins these states always seems to win the election. Trump won all three…and by a lot too.
Prof C: So?
Rob: So? I’m just saying it's weird that Biden is so popular but still loses those states by a lot. Do you know about the Bellwether counties?
Prof C: This is getting boring, Rob. Just sayin’.
Rob: There are 19 Bellwether counties that almost always end up voting for the winner. It's crazy how accurate this ends up being. Obama won all those counties, Trump won them all back in 2016, Guess how many of the 19 that Trump won in 2020? Take a guess.
Prof C: (sips his Port) No idea.
Rob: He won 18 of the 19. And all by pretty big margins.
Prof C: So…. who cares?
Rob: It's just weird. Biden gets the most votes of any president in history, right?
Prof C: Yes, that's correct.
Rob: Listen to this then. Obama won almost 900 counties in 2008. He got almost 70 million votes. But Biden, Mr. Landslide, only won 500 counties! But somehow got 81 million votes. How? Doesn't make sense.
Prof C: Not to you maybe. So, how many counties did Trump get in 2020? Less than Biden I bet.
Rob: Trump won 2500 counties.
Prof C: …….
Rob: So, Biden gets a record amount of votes, but somehow wins the fewest counties of any President, ever. Amazing.
Prof C: Where’s the waiter anyway? I've been sitting here with an almost empty glass, goddammit! If the waiter was on the ball, he’d be over her by now. WAITER!
(The waiter comes to the table)
Coleman: Another round, gentlemen? Another Port for the Professor and a Macallan on the rocks for you, Sir.
Rob: Yes, please.
(Coleman departs)
Prof C: I don't like that guy. I'm going to say something to the Manager.
Rob: You still have half your drink. I think you’ll survive until he comes back.
(Coleman sets the drinks on the table and departs)
Prof C: Who cares about counties and stuff? That's all you election deniers go on and on about. Useless trivia. It means NOTHING.
Rob: It just doesn't add up. How did Biden win? How?
Prof C: He ran a brilliant campaign, that's how he won.
Rob: A brilliant campaign?? He barely left his basement. He didn't do anything.
Prof C: Like I said, brilliant.
Rob: But still. HOW did Biden win? Think about Georgia for a minute. We both have friends in Georgia. Georgia has always been a Red State, right? At least I thought it was. Obama couldn't win Georgia. He lost it both times. Trump won it easily in 2016. Republican Governor. Republicans everywhere you look. There's no way Biden could have won Georgia.
Prof C: Uh oh! Here it comes. The craziness. Rob, please don’t tell me you’re going to deny the election. Please.
Rob: Just hear me out for a bit. At 10:30 on Election night Trump was winning by 300,000 votes. 83% of the vote was in and counted. It was over. The chances of Biden making up that ground was statistically zero. It was impossible.
Prof C: (calmly takes a sip) Evidently not.
Rob: So what happens then? They announce a burst water pipe and that they need to stop counting the rest of the votes. And later they say there was some mistake. There was never a burst pipe.
Prof C: So what are you saying? Illuminate me, please.
Rob: Listen, it's not about counting the votes anymore. It's about counting the ballots.
Prof C: Whaaat?
Rob: So what happens after they stop counting?
Prof C: Ha! That's your latest lie! They didn’t stop counting!
Rob: Right. The observers all went home. And as soon as everyone was gone…they pulled out boxes of ballots they had ready in case they needed them. And boy, did they need them. Trump was cleaning up in Georgia. So, yeah, they started feeding them all into the voting machines in secret.
Prof C: You sound like a lunatic, Rob.
Rob: And so then what happens? After they finish their secret counting, Biden has made up all 300,000 votes and is now ahead by 12,000 …just enough to win. Amazing.
Prof C: They did a recount you know.
Rob: Yep…they sure did. They counted the same fraudulent ballots over and over.
Prof C: Fraudulent? You’ve completely lost it Rob. Questioning an election is dangerous. It's a threat to democracy, in fact. You need to be careful.
Rob: Look, a recount is useless. Those ballots counted secretly in the middle of the night need to be audited. Simple as that. You can easily tell if the ballots are real. Are there folds in the paper? Were the ballots filled out by hand or by a machine? You can tell the difference, you know. Were the down ballot choices filled out? What kind of paper was used?
Prof C: (stammering) Are y-you saying you think the ballots were fake? YOU are an election denier! Omigod!
Rob: I'm just saying I have questions. When something impossible happens there needs to be an explanation. There’s never been an explanation! The ground Biden made up overnight was unbelievable. Why wouldn't they let anyone look at the ballots? I think they even destroyed them. There's no audit trail anymore. No one can prove anything one way or the other.
Prof C: Sorry, Rob. You’ve gone too far this time. You’re an election denier. Don’t talk to me anymore. I can't associate with someone like you. And you better watch your back.
Rob: I have questions, That's all. Can’t someone have questions anymore?
Prof C: Hahahaha! You know who else had questions? Your hero, Trump! He did all he could to steal Georgia! He even phoned Kemp and threatened him with everything under the sun to get Kemp to “find” 12,000 votes. Trumps a criminal. He's the ultimate election denier!!
Rob: What happened in Georgia was just wrong. Someone should go to jail.
Prof C: Hahahaha. You're finally right about something, you poor dumb bastard! I guarantee someone will go to jail. And his name is Trump! Trying to steal an election with phone calls is a crime! You watch! As soon as the NY indictment is dropped….TRUMP WILL BE INDICTED FOR HIS CRIMES IN GEORGIA! HAHAHAHA!
(and with that, Prof C gets up and leaves)